Mother of God 

"If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent" (essextee) 11/11/2017 at 15:52 • Filed to: None

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I just found the mother lode of gag Christmas gifts. This company called !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! makes perfumes/colognes out of everything . For example: Bourbon, Play-Doh, Bonfire, Popcorn, Tomato, Jelly Doughnut, Mildew, and Hot Fudge Sundae. They also make plenty of non-silly scents. Pick your favorite:

Alfalfa > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 11/11/2017 at 15:56

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Crayon scent, also known as “90's Volkswagen”

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 11/11/2017 at 15:59

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Spray on a bit of that Demeter Bourbon, it’s perfect for an interview or funeral!

Akio Ohtori - RIP Oppo > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 11/11/2017 at 16:00

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Oh. My. God.

This is excellent.

But seriously, I’ve bought some cologne from a place called “I Hate Perfume” but it is damn expensive. This.... might be a game changer.

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > Akio Ohtori - RIP Oppo 11/11/2017 at 16:02

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I wish we could suggest scents to them. I’d buy “Burnt Rubber” or “Electrical Fire”.

*EDIT*: Turns out I Hate Perfume and Demeter Fragrance are both by the same guy.

Akio Ohtori - RIP Oppo > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 11/11/2017 at 16:07

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This... I find not at all surprising.

Also yes, I was really hoping “thunderstorm” smelled like ozone, but, alas, apparently not.

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies 11/11/2017 at 16:19

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I’d totally buy their Humidor scent if I were the kind of person that wears cologne.

Urambo Tauro > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 11/11/2017 at 16:45

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Wow, that’s a much wider selection than the scents offered by Mandles!

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 11/11/2017 at 16:45

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Was looking for day old dick and and mountain man body odor, am disappointed these are not available.

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > Urambo Tauro 11/11/2017 at 17:22

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10/10 I’d buy Hardware Store

Jagvar > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 11/11/2017 at 17:32

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I’m wondering what the difference is between “Leather” and “Russian Leather.”

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > Jagvar 11/11/2017 at 17:52

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Notes of vodka and lgbt oppression.

Brickman > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 11/11/2017 at 19:06

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I want play-doh... OMG they have play-doh scent! :D

JawzX2, Boost Addict. 1.6t, 2.7tt, 4.2t > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 11/11/2017 at 19:39

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the smallest sizes are cheap enough to send everyone you know a scent.... damn...

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > JawzX2, Boost Addict. 1.6t, 2.7tt, 4.2t 11/11/2017 at 19:58

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And theres enough variety that there’s something for every person there.

My cat crazy sister is getting “Kitten Fur”.

Akio Ohtori - RIP Oppo > Jagvar 11/11/2017 at 21:37

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Apparently one is a little earthier. There is a comparison in the “Leather” reviews.

...not that I’ve been looking at this website all day...

Stef Schrader > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 12/03/2019 at 16:40

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Giant Sequoia: for when you want everyone to smell your wood, I guess.

Also, there’s no Puffalump fragrance. BOOOOO.

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > Stef Schrader 12/03/2019 at 17:10

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Yeah but now you can make your puffalump smell like ANYTHING.

Also if I wanted everyone to  smell my wood I could just stop showering for a month.